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Its personally insulting: 17 chefs on the customer antics that most enrage them

The diner is always right only that isnt true. From heavy petting to no-shows, restaurateurs share their biggest bugbears

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Chefs work under constant scrutiny. Everyone is a critic now, from the couple muttering at table 12 to those angrily logging on to TripAdvisor. Generally, chefs suck up this feedback silently; that is how the hospitality industry works. So, we thought it might be fun therapeutic, even to turn the tables for once and ask chefs: what do diners do that really winds you up? From minor irritations to serious misdemeanours, here is a rundown of the customer behaviour that chefs cant stand.

TripAdvisor bullies

Si Toft, the Dining Room, Abersoch, Gwynedd
There have always been people who lick the plate clean then say it wasnt very nice and start haggling for a discount. Now they think TripAdvisor gives them power. Ive had people look at the bill, then suddenly start criticising the food and threatening floor staff with: Ive written hundreds of reviews, or: Ill do a good review if you knock the wine off. Its often seasonal visitors, maybe one a week, and theyre blatant. If Ive messed up in the kitchen, if a complaint is genuine, tell us straight away. Ill happily deal with it. But I wont be blackmailed. Ive taken bookings where people say: Ill be reviewing, whats that worth? Nothing. Its the same price.

Telephone tyrants

Alex Claridge,the Wilderness, Birmingham
A reshuffle of tables might have been possible had you been polite on the phone, but if youre rude, if you kick off because were full on a Saturday night, it wont be. One gentleman shouted: Its just not good enough, is it? His manners definitely werent.

Heavy petting

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Tongues out is embarrassing for waiters and other guests. Photograph: Susan Wides/Getty Images/Uppercut RF

Melanie Arnold, Rochelle Canteen, London
A romantic kiss is fine, but tongues out is embarrassing for waiters serving the table and other guests. But snogging is possibly trumped by the mid-dinner breakup. That puts a dampener on the evening.

No-shows

Mark Greenaway, Grazing, Edinburgh
Restaurants arent airlines we dont overbook. We book to capacity, pay chefs to prep the food and staff waiters accordingly. In a 60-cover restaurant, if 15 people dont turn up, that has a huge financial effect. Its an industry-wide problem running at about 20%, Id say. We dont mind cancellations. Plans change. But if you book, turn up. If youre not going to, let us know.

Accusations of profiteering

Mary-Ellen McTague, the Creameries, Manchester
Ninety-nine per cent of our feedback is lovely, but theres the odd person who says we charge unreasonable prices, which feels personally insulting. We charge a fair price for the amount of food, its quality and the time it takes. It would be good to do an infographic on the wall explaining how what you pay is divided up on staff, food, rent, utility bills, business rates, VAT, insurance. We dont make a huge profit.

Complaining about cakeage

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Its like going to McDonalds with a takeaway and saying: Ive come for a McFlurry. Photograph: Ezra Bailey/Getty Images

Ryan Simpson-Trotman,Orwells, near Henley-on-Thames, Berkshire
If people want to bring a birthday cake to eat instead of our desserts, theres a small cakeage charge 30 tops for 10 or more people. Someone said it was terrible on Twitter, but youre taking our dessert value down from 10 a person to 3. Its like rocking up at McDonalds with a takeaway to eat and saying: Ive come for a McFlurry. Its ridiculous.

Closed minds

Andrew Wong, A Wong, London
One of my biggest peeves is when a guest assumes there is one definition of what Chinese food is. We use a cottage cheese, traditionally from Guangdong, created after working alongside [the food anthropologist] Dr Mukta Das and analysing her research into Chinese Buddhist vegetarian communities. Yet some guests still argue its inauthentic because you dont get cheese in China. Its difficult to introduce people to new aspects of a cuisine when they dont want their fixed ideas to change.

Unflagged allergies

Liz Cottam, Home, Leeds
We do pescetarian and vegetarian versions of our tasting menu and can accommodate nut and shellfish allergies and gluten intolerance. We provide you with our allergy information at booking. Youll be asked questions about this. If necessary, our admin team will call you. But although we do all that, youll still get someone with a lactose and gluten intolerance that precludes 99% of the elements on every dish who wont tell us until the night. People also go: Im allergic to nuts, while theyre eating the snack. That might have almonds in it. This could kill you. Why would you not tell someone about something so severe? It terrifies me.

Grabby guests

Sai Deethwa,Buddha Belly, Birmingham, Sheffield and Liverpool
On Saturday nights, when theyve had a drink, certain people can get carried away and start helping themselves to the garnishes on my street-food stall like its a Harvester salad bar. Ive had someone grab a literal handful of pickled carrot and walk off; another tipped a whole bowl of pricey micro-coriander on to their plate. Then you get people reaching for our serving utensils to prettify their plates with toppings for Instagram. Im like: What are you doing?!

Stony scrutiny in open kitchens

Aktar Islam,Opheem, Birmingham
There are couples who in life have said everything to one another and who, when they eat out and theyre sitting close to the open kitchen at Opheem tend to stare, stony-faced at us or is it into the abyss? When someone sits in silence, staring at you for hours, you feel it. It begins to freak you out. Show a bit of emotion, please. Give us a smile, maybe.

Smartphone addicts

Ruth Hansom, Pomonas, London
I love eating as a social event, which is why all my menus are designed to share. My biggest nightmare is seeing two people sitting on their phones, not talking, eating but not taking much interest in it. Then theres people taking pictures for 10 minutes, getting the angles right, who try to send the food back because its cold! At a restaurant, you get given something people have spent hours prepping. Dont waste your money.

Influencers

Alexis Gauthier,Gauthier Soho, London
Like any central London restaurant, we receive a couple of requests a day for free meals, in return for posts from social media influencers. Most are turned down. The consensus is: if an influencer needs to approach you, theyre not worth working with. Some are polite, some cocky, some downright entitled. They believe their own hype. They think any exposure is beneficial. Ive seen high-profile openings, booked out for three months on influencer babble, that six months later are empty. Long-term regulars is the holy grail. I have guests who came on first dates who are now celebrating years of marriage. Theyre true ambassadors.

Fag breaks between courses

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It can mess up the timings. Photograph: Jupiterimages/Getty Images

Roberta Hall-McCarron, the Little Chartroom, Edinburgh
We want people to have a good time. If that involves having a cigarette, its a free world. But it can mess up the timings in how we run service. Youre cooking fish to order, its got 30 seconds left in the pan, then youre told: No, sorry, someones out having a cigarette. Thats a niggle.

Unachievably specific cooking instructions

Henry Harris, Harcourt Inns, London
I want everyone to feel valued. If someone likes very well-done steak, give it to them, otherwise theyll think youre an arrogant cock. But then there are the people who think they are far more important than they are, who demonstrate that by making pointless requests such as: I want a steak between rare and medium-rare, slightly on the medium-rare side. You look at them with bemusement.

Using a knife and fork on finger food

Nieves Barragn Mohacho, Sabor, London
If this irritates me, its only because I want guests to enjoy the food. For example, if they try to eat pan con tomate with a knife and fork, we say: No, just get it in your hands and get into it, and they love it. Peeling prawns is the same. You dont get extremely messy and who cares? You can wash your hands.

Rude guests

Monica Galetti, Mere, London
One of the toughest things I find to deal with is when guests are unnecessarily rude to my team. Coming to my restaurant should be an enjoyable experience for everyone involved and my team work very hard to make sure of that. On the occasion there may be a problem, Im sure we can find a solution, but rudeness is not something I like to tolerate.

Dish (re)designers

Samantha Evans, Hang Fire Southern Kitchen, Barry, Wales
People cannibalising elements from lots of dishes to create their own menu can be frustrating. A little is OK, but chefs spend days tweaking dishes so that elements balance and enhance. They dont always appreciate a dozen swap-outs.

Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/food/2020/feb/20/its-personally-insulting-17-chefs-on-the-customer-antics-that-most-enrage-them

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